Judgement - Is it possible to avoid it? Is it possible to navigate? How to recognise it.

I am sure this subject will resonate with some of you. It is a very controversial subject especially when writing this from the viewpoint of a luxury lover.

How many of us have encountered what we perceive as judgment when we have purchased something deemed luxury? Surely it is ok to spend our money how we want? surely if I have worked hard, earned my own money, I can choose what to buy or not buy? or is that not the case? Surely if I don't tell others how to spend their money, they should offer the same courtesy?

First, a little background on me. I don't come from a wealthy family or background. I worked hard at School and University and qualified as a Chartered Accountant after years and years of training and studying. My husband also qualified as a Chartered Accountant at a similar time and we built a life together. For many many years whilst we were studying, we had zero disposable income and zero social life. We sacrificed a lot for a number of years.

My first luxury purchase was a Mulberry bag which I saved for months to buy. It was a Mock Croc top handle bag which I adored! I was probably in my late 20's and couldn't believe I had that bag. I was in love. It then took me another few years before I could afford my very first high end luxury bag from Louis Vuitton. I was at least 30 by then.

Since then I have had periods of buying bags and periods of not buying any. I think I will do a separate blog post on my luxury purchase history - what I have in my collection and over how many years it has taken to curate this etc, so I won't go into all my purchases in this blog.

However, one thing that has not changed over all those years is the response and reaction I have received with regard to spending and luxury.

My background of coming from a working class family, meant that my family and peers would never ever contemplate buying luxury, even if they could afford, they would probably think it was obscene. So why did I have a different point of view?

Well I suppose the answer is that I was always drawn to nice things. I think I associated being able to buy something as a reward or a treat when I had achieved something. Passing my exams or being promoted at work. These pivotal moments in my life and career meant that I had succeeded in something I never thought I would be able to do. So I would save up and treat myself to something that would remind me that the hard work was worth it.

It makes me happy - the thrill of deciding, researching, shopping and ultimately buying luxury is a buzz. Feeling special just for a minute or two. Also the added bonus that bags don't make you feel fat or ugly appeals to me - something I am working on...

However I am very aware that bags and luxury purchases are frivolous and not important in terms of other things in my life. My family, my friends, the business my husband and I have worked incredibly hard to build - all mean the world to me and buying and collecting is a small part of who I am and does not and should not define me. I am extremely appreciative to be in the position I am now in, I don't take anything for granted and luxury purchases are not an everyday occurrence. I haven't forgotten my background, I am very proud of where I am from as that makes me who I am today.

However for those around me, they may have seen my love of luxury as showing off, that I have changed compared to my humble beginnings, or I am rubbing their nose in it or I must be filling a void or lacking common sense or judgement. Does any of this sound familiar?

Why does the issue of financial success and luxury purchases really offend some people? why is it such a divisive subject?

Let's explore....

I feel that I have never shared any luxury purchases with others, so how was I offending people? what was I doing wrong? If I had ever bought for example a handbag, I would never dream of parading it around and showing it off. However, if it was noticed and if I was asked what it was etc I would not hide it or lie so I felt I was being respectful. However, comments would ensue - this judgement affected my confidence and I dealt with it by going into myself and feeling silenced.

I would think about where I was going and what outfit I was wearing and what bag to use. This was not a usual oh what would look good with this outfit. It was more about who might be there that evening and what comments I might get if I took a certain bag. I would then adapt and suppress myself to try to fit in to people please.

One thing has become very apparent is that no amount of people pleasing actually works. If I shared my items, I was showing off. If I hid them then I was being shady and being standoffish and aloof. I honestly think there is no solution. If I stopped buying luxury there would be something else to judge. Seems to be a lose lose.

One answer is to surround yourself with like minded people who understand the buzz and excitement so that you can share your passions without fear. However we still need to be able to navigate the comments and judgement that comes along. Do you ignore it? do you face it head on? do you accept that it's inevitable to receive judgement, do you distance yourself or does any of this really matter? There are much bigger more important things happening in the world.

The difficulty is that relationships do change over time. As we get older, our lives change and inevitably evolve and if the friendship doesn't follow the same route then it's very hard to navigate that. Financial success, does change people and also changes relationships with others. Friendships can stay strong as the years roll by even if there are less things in common and less time spent together. Or friendships can falter due to pressures of life and inevitable comparisons if one party has endured hardship compared to another party enjoying financial success.

My conclusion is that from my experience, suppressing yourself to fit in with others or to try to win over perceptions never works. Inevitably you won't please anyone including yourself.

Sometimes the perceived judgement is just that, 'perceived' I have probably misread a situation to be something it isn't because I am feeling guilty about a luxury purchase, I have assumed wrongly because it has hit a nerve.

So take things for what they are, do what you love, buy whatever you want as long as you don't put yourself or others into financial difficulties then go for it! You do not need to justify anything. You do you! Stay respectful of others as its not a one way street and live life!

Please also check out @Amelia.roses.closet on instagram and also on YouTube as she covers this topic in her video 'Talking Luxury Judgement, Dealing with Guilt and is the

Feeling of a new Bag still the same?'