Outfit Meltdowns - Body Image - The Dreaded Mirror - Can we banish the Meltdown Mentality?

Nothing Fits! Nothing to Wear!

The wardrobe is empty, the majority of clothes are strewn across the bed, the floor, anywhere except where they should be - no longer hanging neatly in the wardrobe. Why? because I have to get ready to go out and I have nothing to wear! Absolutely nothing! Nothing looks right, I feel awful in everything. Even my failsafe outfit isn't doing it for me. Why oh why! I look hideous! I look fat! I look like mutton dressed as lamb! How can I possibly go out now? I have nothing to wear that I feel comfortable in and now the night is ruined anyway. I will not be able to turn this round. So so self conscious! Does any of this sound familiar?

I am much more confident when choosing accessories and bags. I suppose this reflects how I feel about myself. Bags, shoes and accessories such as jewellery I see as enhancing how I look. I don't always feel like that about clothes. It pretty much true to say that it's very rare that I ever feel like that about clothes. Bags don't have to fit so they don't make me feel fat or ugly. They take the pressure away from the clothes that I feel self conscious in.

I want to look nice, I want to feel nice. I want to be confident and most of all I want to be comfortable in my own skin. So is it the choice of clothes I have made when purchasing and curating my wardrobe that is the issue? Surely if I purchase more items I will solve the problem? But I don't want to spend a lot of money as I have already spent a lot on the mountains of clothes I already have so I know! I will buy some cheap clothes so I am not spending too much! but no! that doesn't work either. Wonder why?

Maybe its because the problem is not the clothes - It's how I feel about myself. So this is something I am definitely working on. Working on how the weight I am should not define me. Would you decide not to be friends with someone because they had put on weight - of course not so why treat yourself that way? It is a daily battle for me. One I am determined to overcome.

The Dreaded Mirror

The mirror is definitely not my friend. I have a really hard time looking at myself in the mirror. Whether it be to check out how I look in an outfit, putting on make up or even at the gym where mirrors are hard to avoid. My family and friends have often said to me they wished I could see what they see in me. I know I am not alone in these feelings. So how to overcome?

This also follows when packing to go away on holiday or a weekend away. How many of us have worried about what to take? how to put outfits together and in the end pack far too much and when you get to your destination realise you have 30 tops and 30 skirts and trousers/dresses etc. But no actual outfits, nothing goes together and that makes you feel even worse, in my case I have ruined trips away by being so self conscious.

This can also impact on relationships as how many of us have had meltdowns which then involve upset with your partner because they have no idea how to help you. I have definitely snapped at my husband before when he has suggested an outfit to try to help me. 'Why would you suggest that?!?' I would cry. Then if he left me to it and didn't get involved I would snap that he didn't care to try to help. He definitely could not win.

From talking to friends I know I am not the only one that this has happened to. We take it out on those we love when we feel vulnerable and fragile.

So What is the Answer?

So how do we overcome these feelings? Is the answer to lose weight so that we feel confident? Surely if I lose a dress size I will feel better and be more like the old me? How we look at others who are slim and beautiful and assume that they have it all figured out. Striving for perfection. If only I could lose weight, my problems would go away. I associated feeling happy with being thin and being sad and anxious when I had put weight on. I can categorically say that this is not the answer....

There wasn't a light bulb moment for me as such but a gradual awakening that my weight has zero to do with my worth. Of course when you say it out loud it sounds crazy that I didn't realise this. But when you feel like that it is very real at the time.

Cleo Lacey

The first thing that happened for me was meeting Cleo Lacey. If you don't know already, Cleo is a Personal Stylist and Shopper. Cleo's business name is Demi Couture. I had been following Cleo for a while and was mesmerised by her positivity and demeanour. I loved watching her instagram stories, seeing what she was getting up to each day. In Selfriges, Harrods, Bond Street! She was living the dream. She loves everything I love, very similar tastes and is not afraid to be who she is and that really appealed to me. I wished I could be a little more like that.

I plucked up the courage and booked a personal shop with Cleo. I was incredibly nervous but when the goddess herself walked in I was so happy and immediately knew I had not made a mistake. She made me feel at home immediately and we laughed all day long. Not only did she make the personal shop enjoyable, she treated me like an equal. That sounds silly eh? surely we are all equal but I have never felt that. I have for a great deal of my life felt inadequate and a disappointment (this is a whole other subject probably best in another blog post). Cleo's infectious personality was just the tonic I needed. She is a girls girl and builds others up. She is very clever but also sensitive in how she deals with the trying on clothes situation. There is never a look or a judgement with regard to body shape. If something doesn't work then it doesn't work, take it off and try something else - simple as that. No meltdowns over size of clothes or meltdowns about feeling too big or unflattering. Cleo's view is that not everything suits everybody so let's find what flatters you. She is extremely knowledgeable about brands, trends, seasonal pieces, colours and shapes. She is a godsend.

After our personal shop I felt so much lighter in myself (and my bank balance lol) Cleo has the knack of making you feel amazing and she has become what I consider to be a good friend. We chat most days. I know she is there for me, but I also know I don't have a 'Cleo' to be with me everyday to build me up and boost my confidence - I have to learn how to do this for myself, again tools that Cleo has helped me with.

Therapy

The Second thing was having a few therapy sessions. I won't disclose my therapist for confidentiality reasons but she has helped me beyond anything I could imagine. Again this could be a whole blog post in itself so let's not go into detail here - however in my therapy sessions we have covered a lot about my body issues and the eating habits around this. This is where I am now making progress, being more relational with myself and working on stopping the judgement of myself. This hopefully will start to help my issues with the mirror regardless of my weight. I am not advocating therapy is for everyone but just noting how much it has helped me.

Fitness

The Third thing was finding my Personal Trainer Lyndsay Wells. Bearing in mind what I have just said above, our weight is not our worth, and working on how you feel inside is so much more important than how much you weigh. Lyndsay told me that my weight is 'the least important and least interesting thing about me'. That sentence really resonated with me. However, as Lyndsay told me, it is ok to still want to lose weight, it can be a goal for health reasons and fitness reasons and there is nothing wrong with wanting to change something about yourself as long as it's for the right reasons. For example, the notion that losing weight will solve all my problems is so far from the truth. So if I want to set goals of feeling more energetic, increasing my activity, reducing ailments and improving my sleep - then that's much healthier than a sole weight loss goal. If I start living a more healthier life then the weight will come off as a byproduct.

So starting a new routine with Lyndsay is now proving amazing for me, I have a new lease of life, starting to feel much lighter and working on my anxiety. I am so excited now to see where I am heading. No major rigid goals, just moving ahead.

Conclusion

So how do we banish the Mirror meltdowns? Well I suppose firstly it is a work in progress, it will never be perfect and if we are striving for perfection, firstly what is perfection anyway and secondly, I think we will be fighting a losing battle.

What I am learning is to take one day at a time, put things in place such as healthier routines so that you start to feel better inside and then the outside will follow. It is crazy to hear from friends how many of us have body image issues no matter what size we are, its all relative and we are all comparing to others maybe on social media which we all know that is not real life.

The tools and tips I have learned from Cleo is to have an outfit in mind when purchasing things so that you have a ready made outfit rather than buying random things which have nothing to go with it. Those pieces end up sitting in your wardrobe unworn. Also to set out your outfit for the next day or the night out or the trip away so that you are not panicking when feeling rushed at the last minute. Planning is key. Also final tip is to stop buying the many many cheap pieces that don't fit well or wash well. Invest in fewer quality pieces (doesn't have to cost the earth) and these are the items you might just feel a little bit more confident in as the cut and material will feel amazing.

I am never going to ever look in a mirror and think I look amazing, that is just not going to happen, but that is ok, just to use the mirror to check that I don't have any wardrobe malfunction situations would be good for a start. The main thing is to stop fighting the feelings, stop putting pressure on yourself for all your 'failings' - go with it, go with what life brings and be who you want to be. Its all choices.

If you want to check out Cleo, please visit www.demi-couture.co.uk or Cleo's instagram @demicouturestylist - you will thank me later.

Also Lyndsay Wells can be found on Instagram on @lyndsaywellsptand_nutrition - again you will thank me later.